Can Sears save France?

Too good to resist department………

The London Telegraph [HT: American Future] reports today that, “Jacques Chirac's presidency hit a new low yesterday when a poll revealed that most voters think he now has little or no influence over events at home or abroad.” Seventy-two percent consider his influence over what happens in France as “weak,” 67% consider his clout on the world stage “feeble,” 64% consider his influence on Europe not significant, with his party members only slightly less negative.

The director of the CSA institute, which conducted the poll, commented: "Unless some spectacular event occurs, the 17 remaining months of his mandate are likely to be very tricky."

Chirac responded with his characteristic strategy, developed through the oil-for-bribes venture: sell out.

The inimitable Iowahawk has the exclusive: “Sears/Kmart Acquires France.” Excerpts:

[T]he acquisition of embattled European cheesemaker France (NASDAQ: FROG)….will position Sears/Kmart/France as the world's third largest retailer and 15th ranked military power…."Attention Kmart shoppers! The glory of France, she is born anew," crowed France CEO Jacques Chirac, who will continue as head of the corporation's Northeast regional merchandising division…. Under terms of the deal, Sears and Kmart will operate separately each with a distinctive brand identity. France will be given dedicated floorspace within each retailer, near housewares, complete with its own airspace, currency, language rights, and pay toilets. "Like Martha Stewart or Jacklyn Smith intimate apparel, we believe France will be a valuable brand for attracting and retaining new customers to Kmart," said Kmart spokeswoman Jill Carpenter. "Our research shows that retail consumers are increasingly seeking convenience, value, and obnoxious shitty-smelling sales clerks."… Founded in 1107, France was once a marketing powerhouse in Europe, commanding a 27% share of the continent as recently as 1775. However, a series of strategic miscues have sent the once-thriving cheesemaker into a steep two-century decline…. Many analysts remain skeptical whether the three way deal between Sears, Kmart and France will yield any short-term benefits to investors. "Frankly, I'm worried that France has some serious productivity issues," said Kaplan. "They could probably address these with a round of layoffs, but we don't have any evidence that anyone actually works there."… Whatever strategic moves may be in the future, Dennis Beezley of Glenn Rauch Securities says that he expects the corporate transition to be smooth. "If you look at their history, one thing is certain," he said. "France is used to hostile takeovers."