Midwest Lutherans Reject Violence

In a superb send-up of the media's interpretation of the Pew poll on American Muslims, Iowahawk reports (with relief) that "Midwest Lutherans Largely Reject Violence."

Best lines:

Although a majority 87% of respondents agreed that "The world should be brought to submission under global Lutheran conquest and eternal perfect rule," there was a great deal of disagreement on the means to accomplish it. More than 95% supported "pancake breakfasts" and "popcorn fundraisers," but support dropped to less than 80% for "cow tipping" and "T-P'ing infidel houses." Support dropped even more dramatically for more violent means of conquest, such as "suicide bombing" (28%), "decapitation" (24%), and "running over Presbyterians with my Ski-Doo" (23%).

"Taken as a whole, the results show that Midwest Lutherans emphatically support a moderate, mainstream path to world domination," said Kohut. "These folks are well-assimilated into the broad fabric of American society, and unless you are Presbyterian, there is probably very little here to cause concern."

Iowahawk's satirical look at the Pew poll comes in light of attempts by some U.S. government organs, including Radio Free Europe and the State Department, to put a positive spin on the results, which showed that 26 percent of young American Muslims favor or might favor suicide bombings to defend Islam. Only 40 percent of American Muslims believe that Arabs were responsible for 9/11. Overall, 80 percent of American Muslims condemn suicide bombings for any reason--a figure that, while welcome in the context of the audience surveyed, would surely cause great alarm if it reflected the sentiments of any other religious group--hence the effectiveness of Iowahawk's post.